


Veni, vidi, vici

by Plumasicera



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blowjobs, Getting Together, Kiba's a good friend, M/M, Mention of minor and past relationships, alternative universe, handjobs, he really tries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22440829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plumasicera/pseuds/Plumasicera
Summary: They looked at each other with the vague sound of music floating between them. Naruto’d turned serious. Sasuke remained watchful of Naruto’s expression, with his unfathomable gaze hiding all emotion and the alert patience of someone waiting for an explanation they know they’re about to hear.He’d almost forgotten what it was like to ride that roller coaster of mixed feelings.—Veni, vidi, vici – I came, I saw, I conquered. Latin locution attributed to Julius Caesar after a quick victory in battle. It’s used to highlight the ease and swiftness with which an objective is achieved—Naruto wished everything was that easy.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 5
Kudos: 115





	1. Veni

Anyone who had known him for at least two minutes wouldn’t hesitate before declaring that Naruto was bright.

He was like summer-morning light and the breeze of a late afternoon storm. He was thunderous laughter, steely fists and unwavering loyalty. He was encouragement and strength, and that warm wink of eyes when he smiled.

At that moment, though, he was nothing of the sort.

“Naruto… You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

Kiba was frowning in a gesture that hid the concern he felt —or at least tried to. Standing and ready to go, he hesitated once more whether to leave or not; on the one hand it was more than obvious that Naruto _wasn’t_ alright, and it sure was his duty as his friend to stand by him, cheer him up and prevent him from doing something stupid and the long et cetera that always came in those situations. But on the other Naruto was far away from being a kid and he’d never needed a babysitter— not to mention _how_ clear he was being about not wanting company. Maybe it was best to give up and leave him alone, just as Naruto was ordering. After all, Kiba told himself, Naruto was old enough to know what he wanted, right?

Of course, the fact that his sister had recorded the match of the century and his sofa waited warm and comfortable for him to return home had nothing to do with his decision.

Nope.

Not at all.

“I just need to be alone” Naruto remarked impatiently. Kiba’s mouth twisted even more. The worry on his face began to compete with a gesture of pure exasperation.

“Alone to drink your ass off” he completed accusingly.

When Naruto didn’t deny it Kiba ran a hand through his hair and grabbed the back of the chair he’d just left taking a seat again. Fuck the match, he thought resting one hand on the table and the other on one of his open legs. He wasn't letting his dearest friend getting a goddamn alcoholic coma without his supervision.

“Alright. If you want alcohol, then we’ll get alcohol” he said in a vigorous burst.

“Kiba—”

Naruto had put a hand on his face and through his fingers Kiba could see a dangerous flash of blue.

“No, no, it’s fine. We’ll stay here drinking ‘till the sun goes up and we can’t stand on our feet—”

“ _Kiba_ —”

“You want to be alone? No prob. I’ll take you home and you can drown yourself in loneliness if you want, but don’t think for a single second that I’m gonna leave you in this den drinking this shit until your liver—”

“Stop” Naruto cut him with a sigh. He dropped his hand and they stared at each other, sizing each other up in silence, and Naruto must have seen something in him because his gaze gradually lost its harshness and he claudicated with a new sigh. “Okay. Okay, fine. I got it. You win. Happy now?”

Naruto made a circular motion with his neck rolling his eyes. Almost instantly he regretted it: the painful pang he felt in his right temple forced him to close his eyes and the whole world staggered for a moment.

If he keeps going like this, Naruto thought, even the bar’s dimming lights would end up becoming his worst enemy, thus adding to sudden movements and his (although at that moment it was hard to appreciate him as such) good friend Kiba.

“Hm…”

Said friend narrowed his eyes without taking them away from him, suspiciously. Naruto’d seen that gesture too many times; in essence it was the same that a distrustful dog would make before a stranger, and so Kiba’s trademark when he smelled with that exceptionally gifted nose to catch problems that something was wrong.

Stupid mutt.

“Honestly” he tried to convince him, breathing deeply and drawing on all his persuasion skills. “It’s going to be fine. I want to be alone, that’s all. I’ll just stay here for a while, sitting and calm, and then I’ll go home like a good boy.”

Kiba’s face changed deciding to reflect an _almost_ frank concern.

“You sure? Shit, Naruto, you know I’ve no problem staying and, well, I may not know much about it but I think it’d be better if, er, you were with someone and— uh— well, you know— instead of spending these moments a—”

Naruto groaned dropping his head on the edge of the table. Kiba felt terribly uncomfortable and then justifiably upset because he _knew_ that this was precisely Naruto’s intention. He hated when Naruto played dirty with him. Naruto, on the other hand, loved it.

“—lone” he finished in annoyance.

Kiba was no good at these things and he knew it. It was a proven fact and he lived perfectly content with it. Sakura, Shikamaru or even Lee with all his extravagant personality would have known how to handle this situation much better than him, who, after a pair of clumsy pats on Naruto’s back and having considered with a huge sense of discomfort if Naruto may be waiting for a hug, had limited to try and cheer him up with inconsequential chat, offers of all kinds, and to contemplate again with fearful hesitation about hugs. And it wasn’t that physical contact bothered him. Naruto and Kiba had a healthy masculine intimacy forged over years of friendship and not-so-innocent jokes in locker rooms; it was the possibility of triggering an avalanche of feelings and _talk_ about feelings what terrified him. Kiba wasn’t made to handle emotional situations in which he was expected to say some comforting words and yet he ended up wrapped in a paralyzing panic that gripped his tongue. And fuck, the feeling of uselessness was already bad enough as it was without Naruto —that _bastard_ — mocking him when he tried.

Son of a bitch.

If Kiba didn’t love him so much, he’d kill him.

“You know what? You can go fuck yourself for all I care” he muttered under his breath, followed by another trail of insults and disjointed phrases that ended in _appreciating my efforts_ and _on my fucking sofa_. He stood, still hissing, and with wounded proud he adjusted the leather jacket he’d put on during his first attempt to leave and that he hadn’t removed afterward. Naruto, still with his head sunk and his face turned to the ground, growled from the bottom of his throat.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say.”

“I just worry about you, jackass.”

A new growl. A new attempt.

“You know I don’t mind staying—”

…And a deeper growl.

“Argh, fine, I’m leaving!” Almost amused, Kiba made a calculated pause. “But if you change your mind—”

“Piss off, Kiba!”

Kiba smiled a little reluctantly, glad to see that despite everything Naruto wasn’t as deep down as one would expect. That, or he was pretending _really_ well and was actually waiting for him to leave to fall apart. Kiba couldn’t tell, but he gave in to the evidence: Naruto didn’t want him there anymore. He didn’t know what else was there to try that he hadn’t already tried and it was likely that, if he insisted on staying, he’d end the night getting punched.

“Call me if you need anything” he insisted, though, in a serious tone.

“If I needed anything you’d be the last person I’d call” Naruto said, the light striking his jaw revealing a crooked gesture of false indifference.

 _Liar_ , was the thought that automatically came to Kiba’s mind. If he was there at that moment, it was precisely because Naruto’d called him, but he didn’t say a word about it.

“You forget Sai” he recalled, instead, with the start of a smile dancing on his mouth.

“…Fair then, the next-to-last person” Naruto accepted rolling his eyes again after raising his face to look at him. “And now get out and leave me alone, Inuzuka.”

Kiba sighed and pushed Naruto’s head back down to his arms ruffling his hair and earning a loud and menacing sound in response.

“I’m leaving, but if Sakura asks why I left you at a time like this, promise me you’ll tell her I tried my best to stay.”

Naruto raised his middle finger in his direction. Kiba kindly suggested where he could put his finger, lightly kicked the chair and then left leaving Naruto with his long-awaited loneliness.

Naruto sighed deeply in the gap between his folded arms, widening his lungs, and relaxed the gesture as he expelled the air.

He felt fine, within that intimate darkness.

* * *

It could’ve been ten minutes since Kiba left —or an hour, or a half, or _six_.

Naruto had no idea.

He hadn’t moved at all since the other man left and, he didn’t know how (nor he wanted to know) but he’d reached a comforting mental-limbo state in which he didn’t think and he didn’t suffer —pleasantly spaced out and with the soft noise of pop music and background conversations as his only company. A private place where time made no sense and where he could pretend that nothing had happened.

Or, well.

At least that’s how it was until two seconds ago.

Out of nowhere an icy hand ran through his hair all the way up from the back of his neck.

Naruto shuddered.

 _Fuck_.

He’d recognized the long hand and slender fingers that sank deep into his hair.

Sasuke sat next to him, much closer than Kiba had, and after several weeks Naruto heard his voice again.

“Come on, usuratonkachi. It’s not that bad. You’re not out of the league yet.”

Deep, uniform and, somehow, musical. Naruto raised his head earning himself a small dizziness and looked at his friend. The sudden return to luminosity, however dim it was, destabilized him and it took him a few seconds to focus on Sasuke’s calm expression. Like his voice, his stupid movie star face was just as he remembered.

Disgustingly composed.

“We lost? God, that’s just what I needed” he groaned dropping his head back onto the table.

Sasuke watched him thoroughly. Naruto didn’t look well and although at first Sasuke’d blamed it on the defeat the Giants had suffered that afternoon it seemed too much of an issue to be just about a baseball game.

Calmly he watched him with analytical eyes: his clothes, hair, his deflated posture, and counted the empty bottles on the table but he couldn’t find out what was going on. How long had he been like that? Naruto was good at hiding things and Sasuke’d been away too long to keep track. Hours? Days? Weeks? Sasuke’d seen him endure false smiles for months with a tenacity that many would envy. With Naruto, anything was possible. Anything.

Who knows what’s going through his head, Sasuke thought eyeing the dejected curve of his shoulders. He’d be lying if he said he’d like to know, but then again he’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t want to.

He slowly closed his eyes and suppressed a sigh of fatigue, mentally preparing himself for what was coming. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to ride that roller coaster of mixed feelings.

“Tsk…” he pronounced snapping his tongue and running his hand through blond hair with affection. When it came to Naruto, it was always complicated.

“Don’t stop” Naruto asked hoarsely, eyelids still closed, turning his face towards him. Sasuke’s hand, which had moved away, buried again in the back of his neck after a moment of invisible hesitation. The fist clenched like a trap around the rebel hair and tugged. Naruto felt an abrupt snort coming up but he held it back before it erupted. Instead he inhaled deeply detecting the smell of cold winter and Sasuke.

Maybe they’d already got used to the blond and defeated guy slump over the table, because nobody paid any attention to them. Naruto’s expression relaxed and finally seemed truly at peace, harmony only broken by a mocking smile curving his lips that gradually faded away. Sasuke didn’t know in which moment he’d left his hair, but suddenly he found himself tracing his eyebrow with his thumb as he stared at him thoughtfully.

It had been a while since he last saw Naruto, especially since he last saw him in that calm state, without masks or barely contained accusations. It hurt, but it was also comforting to know that despite everything Naruto was still Naruto. It was a strange feeling. Under his hand Naruto quietly hummed —it climbed up his chest and vibrated in his throat and Sasuke’s fingers jerked away. Naruto felt the emptiness like a slap and, predictably, opened his eyes and sat up.

They looked at each other with the vague sound of music floating between them. Naruto’d turned serious. His eyes had darkened under the dull lighting of the pub, the childish drama with which he’d shielded himself before Kiba completely gone. Sasuke remained watchful of Naruto’s expression, with his unfathomable gaze hiding all emotion and the alert patience of someone waiting for an explanation they know they’re about to hear.

“I broke up with Hinata”.

Ah. There it was. The confession. Sasuke sighed and looked away with the kind of weariness that Naruto already knew but hated all again.

“You shou—” he started before being abruptly interrupted by Naruto.

“Don’t tell me what to do” he whispered, leaning towards him. “I’m tired— of you not taking me seriously. I’m tired— of trying, and trying, again, and again, and again” he said “all for nothing. Don’t you dare to tell me what I should do.”

Sasuke’s eyes, those purely Japanese features that contrasted so much with Naruto’s, sharpened with every word.

“I’m not going to argue about this right now” he warned in the same close voice Naruto used. Naruto let out a bitter, surprised laugh.

“I don’t know what you were expecting. You knew what you were getting into”.

“I didn’t”.

“You didn’t, _what_?”

“I didn’t know. Kiba just told me to come. That you were— that he had to leave. I didn’t know that—” Sasuke expired sharply, leaned back against the chair and drew a sardonic smile without looking at him. Naruto knew that, translated into a common language, that meant deep anger. Almost like the one that began to take shape inside him.

“Kiba. Great. Just. _Great._ ” He said half tangled up with the words, picking up the nearest empty bottle and planting it again on the table with irritation. And then, to himself: “I _knew_ there was a damn reason why I shouldn’t ‘ve called him.”

Sasuke’s heavy gaze landed on him and in an agile movement he turned Naruto’s face with one hand so Naruto was facing him. It was only a moment; dark eyes scanned blue ones, evaluating, and then he let him go without a single word. Naruto held him by the forearm.

“I’m not drunk.”

It amused him. It royally pissed him off that Sasuke had those sudden moments of showing concern and then those even-more-sudden moments of abandoning him, but it amused him.

Sasuke held his ground without moving a muscle, without a grimace and, of course, without losing his cool.

“…How are you?” He threw back.

“Tired” Naruto repeated as a reflex, closing his eyelids and releasing his grip. He leaned his back on the chair quickly engaging in the change of conversation. With Sasuke it was always like that. “It wasn’t fair, neither for her nor for me. I guess she won’t want to see me in a while.”

Once again he picked up a bottle and fiddled with it carelessly, leaning it sideways on the table and looking for the weak light beams to pass through the glass. Sasuke didn’t open his mouth, and dedicated himself to contemplate him in silence. The atmosphere, despite the obvious tension, was far from uncomfortable for either of them, perhaps because that had always been their way of interacting or because, at that point, few things could disturb the intimacy they shared.

If asked, Kiba’d say that the ease with which these two understood each other was something bloodcurdling, as if they’d developed a whole sixth sense over the years or something like that. Despite what Naruto tried to make him believe Kiba knew he wasn’t the last person Naruto’d call, but he also knew he wasn’t the first and he had no doubt about who held that place.

Truth is, he’d been surprised when Naruto’d contacted him, evasive and subdued, and the feeling had only increased for he knew that, just like him, Sasuke was at home ready for the match, all free and available. If Kiba’d made him come it was because he really was worried and because he was certain that, while he hadn’t known what to do once his unsuccessful attempts to cheer Naruto up were rejected, Sasuke’d do whatever Naruto needed without having to ask —whether it was letting him a shoulder to cry on, getting drunk until they lose consciousness, or going out and slug out in some alley.

And he wasn’t wrong.

The problem, though Kiba had no way of knowing, was that in that moment Sasuke wasn’t willing to do what Naruto needed. Or what Naruto _thought_ he needed.

“Sasuke—”

“Drop it” he said with a sigh and a sudden exhaustion that broke his normally unchanging features. Naruto clenched his teeth but Sasuke beat him to it:

“I’ll better leave.” Words fell upon Naruto like a blow. His hands twitched and his tongue stuck as he repressed the _Don’t!_ that went up his throat. “I’ll call Kiba.”

“Don’t” he said, perhaps too hastily despite having been able to contain his initial impulse. He swallowed and made an effort to calm himself. “Wait. Please.” Part of him was surprised to see Sasuke stood still, waiting. The rest of him desperately struggled to find a reason that could retain him. “It’s not necessary. Don’t do it.”

Naruto sighed, closing his eyes and biting his tongue. What am I doing? _What am I doing_? he wondered, unable to answer. He could perfectly imagine Sasuke’s dark gaze fixed on him, deep, calculating, silently calibrating thoughts Naruto’d never guess. It was easy to be with Sasuke, before. Now Naruto seemed unable to remain by his side without pressing him, pulling and deforming their friendship and turning it into something unrecognizable.

I can’t, he thought with the fast feeling of something suffocating curling in his chest. I can’t.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed. He rested his elbow on the table and hid his face in his hand, breathing deeply when he felt the relative coolness of his palm against warm skin. Again he felt as if the world was slowly spinning around him and it wasn’t a pleasant sensation at all. “I might be a little drunk” he admitted with a crooked smile after a few seconds. It wasn’t a cheerful one.

Sasuke didn’t say anything for a long time, probably letting whatever was eating Naruto up to slowly dissolve in the air. Finally Naruto raised his head and focused his eyes on Sasuke’s.

 _Heh_. Totally impenetrable, as expected. Probably that was why Naruto couldn’t anticipate what came next.

“Do you want me to leave?”

He said it effortlessly, calmly, as if he really didn’t care about the answer, as if it was nothing more than a question like any other —and perhaps that was what made the fury inside Naruto to suddenly reborn, or maybe it was knowing that Sasuke’d do whatever Naruto said without a moment of hesitation, or understanding that Sasuke believed that he was doing both of them a favor.

“Between you and her,” he began, and Sasuke’s eyes narrowed slowly “I know who I’d choose. Every time.”

“The problem is” Sasuke hissed with how much he lowered his voice, “that you didn’t have to make a chose.”

There was an intense silence in which a growing tightness enveloped Naruto’s body, Sasuke’s body and any cubic centimeter of air between them. There was something that pushed him, something deep and unnamable that pulled him and confused him and that he’d never felt with anyone but Sasuke. Naruto looked at him with all the conviction of the world gathered within his pupils trying to understand him, and understand himself, and make Sasuke understand, and Sasuke looked back with cloudy, penetrating eyes and after that first layer of self-imposed domain Naruto could see just for a brief moment everything that was unraveling behind it —his restrained rage, the anger at having been dragged into that situation against his will and also trembling emotions Naruto didn’t know how to read and that disappeared as soon as Sasuke managed to force himself back into a tight control that cut off the impending storm looming over them and any possible fight.

Black eyes looked away and the tension that had been gripping Naruto’s stomach loosened like a deflating balloon and his own rage died out like a fire under torrential rain, leaving only the blurred but piercing fear for everything he could lose.

“Sasuke—”

Sasuke shook his head.

Naruto felt a tight and wet sensation crawling up his throat. It wasn’t exactly like crying, but the feeling was quite similar —a mix of fear, guilt, and the awareness of feeling lost and alone. He ran his hands over his face with the blood still pumping furiously against his temple, and his messy thread of thoughts focused and unfocused without order. Did Sasuke know? Did he know that the intensity of every- _fucking_ -thing he woke up inside him made him feel, maybe for the first time in his life, real fear?

Naruto sighed in his hands with his head thrown back over the chair and a strange feeling of lethargy spreading across his stretched legs. Slowly, he left his hands fall.

“What now?”

For a clarifying moment Naruto saw in Sasuke’s eyes that he didn’t know what to do either, and the knowledge that they’d reached a stalemate made him experience an unpleasant hole in his stomach.

They couldn’t go back but they didn’t seem able to keep moving.

There was nowhere to go.

Sasuke stood up.

“Come on. I’m taking you home.”

Or maybe there was.

After a few moments Naruto decided to hold with all his strength onto the way out Sasuke offered him and return to normalcy. With a hint of a smile and a superhuman effort, he looked at him with all the trembling mockery he could gather.

“I’m not that drunk” he said rolling his eyes.

Despite his words he stood up discreetly resting a hand on the table and hoping that the world wouldn’t spin too much. Suddenly all the exhaustion, all the tension and all the emotional fatigue of the last hours poured over him like a rainstorm and, more than ever, Naruto wished to find himself tucked in his warm bed and to forget all about that fucking day— Hinata’s tearful face, his own broken heart, the ghost of fingers running through his hair.

Sasuke’s eyes followed closely his hesitant movements, and true to his sharp but also comforting personality he didn’t keep quiet.

“Do you need help?”

“Do you need a new face?”

Sasuke drew that smile of his, the dark and inwardly fun one that tugged at the corner of his mouth and then turned around without bothering to wait for the other, more than certain that Naruto’d catch up with him. It’d always been like this between them, anyway, and tonight more than ever they needed to regain normalcy and return to that rivalry that defined the limits of their friendship.

Breaking up with Hinata must’ve been difficult and Sasuke knew, even if Naruto himself didn’t acknowledge it with the significance he should, that what he really needed right now was a friend, and _that_ Sasuke could be.

So when Naruto came out to the cold street, where Sasuke was waiting for him, he briefly pushed him with his shoulder in the both soft and rough way they’d always used prompting him to start walking in the right direction, and watched his steps from behind giving Naruto the space he needed and that Sasuke himself required. Naruto’s broad, strong back marched straight and strangely defenseless in front of him.

Sasuke sighed.

When it came to Naruto, _everything_ was always complicated.

* * *

> _Everything’s fine, i’m taking him home_
> 
> _You owe me_

Not far from there, with a soda can in his hand, a Giants’ cap thrown over his eyebrows, Akamaru’s head over his knees and the flickering reflection of the TV dazzling his retinas, Kiba smiled and finally got rid of the heavy ball of worry he’d had in his throat since he left Naruto a couple of hours ago. He’d never doubted that Sasuke’d make it but, as always, he was surprised by his goddamn effectiveness. Separating only one eye from the screen, he snorted and typed quickly.

> _Take good c are of him u chiha_

He pressed _sent_ patting the dog’s neck and losing against the temptation to add a row of nurses emoticons after that first text. There was something undeniably funny about Sasuke taking care of someone not only drunk but strongly emotive and Kiba almost wished to be there to tease him live. Five seconds and his phone vibrated again on the arm of the sofa.

> _Enjoy your game inuzuka_

As an idiot Kiba stayed several seconds suspiciously re-reading Sasuke’s unusual good wishes until, suddenly, he understood the meaning behind the words. On the television the clamor of the fans before a spectacular home run of the Tigers drowned his voice.

“Son of a—”

Akamaru whined.

* * *

The taxi ride was quiet and helped the alcohol mists that covered Naruto’s mind to clear. With his forehead against the pleasantly cold window glass, he contemplated the come-and-go of city lights and headlamps. Occasionally he’d look to his left and a warm sensation would run through him as he observed Sasuke’s familiar profile.

They kept silent until, already at his apartment door, with his hand on the knob and the door half open, Naruto stood still. He turned his head over his shoulder and looked at Sasuke, several steps behind him, leaning on the railing. The night stretched behind him and the orange glow of the street lamps illuminated his silhouette, inviting shadows falling over his face. The taxi was gone and cold air rose in white puffs of breath to the rhythm of Sasuke’s breathing. If the temperature kept that way, it’d probably snow.

“You can stay” he said.

“I know.”

“I won’t do anything.”

“I know” Sasuke repeated, although he didn’t move. They looked at each other in that narrow hall lit by a row of fine light bulbs. Their eyes collided without force, with a feeling of emptiness in the pit of their stomachs that paradoxically felt heavy, and time was reduced to an instant, to _that_ instant, to a tremor in the pupil, to all the words never heard, to a single heartbeat.

In the end they slept embraced, in a bed that smelled like Naruto and that barely fit them. Sasuke got up with back pain and an open heart. Naruto woke up with the heat of Sasuke rooted in his body and his hands clinging to emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Yomiuri Giants and Hanshin Tigers are two of the most celebrated professional baseball clubs in Japan. They are each other’s greatest rival or something like that so, yeah. Naruto and Kiba root for the Giants while Sasuke supports the Tigers.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Vidi

The sound of the doorbell pierced through the small apartment, annoyingly long and unpleasant at that time in the morning (it really wasn’t _that_ early, but it wasn’t too long since Naruto’d woken up, _so_ ). There was another long, penetrating ring and Naruto cursed between his teeth. He just _knew_ who the fucker trying to burn down his doorbell was.

“Hey, man! What’s up?”

Although it was already noon it was frigging cold and Kiba moved on the spot trying to get warm. Vindictive, Naruto decided to leave him out in the cold as long as possible.

“The hell are you doing here?”

“Gezz, don’t be so excited, please.” He said rolling his eyes. “We were around here and came to say hi.”

Naruto frowned.

“We?”

Rubbing his hands under his breath, Kiba pointed to the empty corridor behind him.

“Sakura and me. She’s just b-b-buying some stuff. Hey man, can we c-c-come in?”

Naruto snorted.

“She forced you to come, right?”

Kiba’s face melted into a grimace.

“Ap-p-pparently ditching your d-drunk best friend in a bar after breaking up with his girlfriend just to go and watch a st-t-t-tupid baseball match is a minus ten on the friendship scale” he stammered, rolling his eyes. “Latest n-n-news: I’ve no feelings _and_ no emp-p-pathy.”

“Wait— You ditched me for a match?”

“What? No! Of c-c-course not!”

Naruto broke into a slow, malicious smile and Kiba sneered.

“I hate you so _f-f-fucking_ much.”

Naruto let out a laugh that clinked in the cold air and Kiba swung a finger in his direction.

“You have no right to resent me, you jerk” he barked. “I left you in good hands.”

Naruto’s smile froze, but just on cue Sakura arrived with her cheeks flushed from the cold and Naruto stepped aside to let them in. Before he could greet her, though, Sakura punched him in the stomach just as she passed by him.

“Sakura-chan!” He panted breathlessly bending in half. “What the—?”

“You deserve it” she said taking advantage of his immobility to shove the bag she was carrying against his chest. Then she entered further into the apartment, taking a seat at the table in the little kitchen-slash-living room. Naruto needed several seconds before he could fully incorporate and follow her.

“Glad to see you too” he grumbled.

“When were you going to tell me?”

Naruto shrugged without answering.

“How… How is Hinata?” he asked instead avoiding her eyes. Kiba’d begun to shamelessly ravage through his fridge. Sakura shook her head.

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her. I knew from Kiba.”

“Urgh. Did you have to tell every-fucking-body?”

“Hey” Kiba, with a wounded gesture, leaned an elbow against the open door of the fridge after grabbing a soda. “ _Technically_ I didn’t tell Sasuke.”

Naruto _groaned_ , but before he could reply he was forced to maneuver to catch the can Kiba passed him.

“We eating or what? I’m starving!”

Confused, Naruto followed his friend’s gaze to his own arms, where he still held the bag Sakura had not so kindly stamped against his chest. Suddenly he didn’t feel any pain.

“Sakura-chan” he whispered turning to her, hugging the instant ramen packages. “You are the best person I’ve ever met.”

* * *

She’s the _worst_ person I’ve ever met, thought Naruto bitterly.

“So” she repeated, savoring the tension that suddenly hung in the air. Naruto set the steaming cup of tea on the table and stared at it. Kiba hadn’t even got to finish his, babbling excuses about a coming exam and wow, time _really_ flies, right? before he stumbled over the chair and then the door in his rush to flee after detecting Sakura’s intentions. “Are you telling me?”

“No.”

Sakura didn’t even blink. She kept looking at him waiting for a different answer, and Naruto ended up giving in to the pressure. More or less.

“Look, there’s nothing to talk about, okay?” he said running a hand over his nape, tired.

“Naruto, please” she answered clicking her tongue. Naruto didn’t like her tone.

“There’s nothing to talk about” he repeated squaring his shoulders. Sakura didn’t like his harshness, either, if the way she pressed her lips was anything to go by. “And, anyway, that’s none of your business.”

“Naruto—”

“Sakura-chan. Please” he asked anticipating the fight. It’d been almost a month but he still didn’t feel strong enough to talk about it. It must have reflected on his face for a second, because instead of pressing the matter Sakura fell silent.

“And are you telling me why you won’t talk about it?” she asked softly after a moment.

The change was so pronounced that Naruto, off-guarded, failed to react.

“Is it because of the Hyugas?” Sakura tried carefully.

It was a reasonable question, and no one would have ever reproached him if Naruto’d finally given up due to the pressure. Orphaned, foreign-looking and without a college degree, Naruto was everything a family like the Hyugas (fusty, proud and traditional) despised, and to say that they hadn’t welcomed him with open arms when Hinata introduced him as his boyfriend was an understatement.

“No” he said. “This has nothing to do with them.”

“Then?” Sakura held out her arm and squeezed his hand. “Naruto, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Yeah” he sighed. “Yeah, I know and I appreciate it but there’s nothing to worry about. I just— It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

He stood and picked up Kiba’s abandoned tea ending the conversation, but a part of Sakura refused to give up so easily.

Sakura was smart and, even more important, she knew Naruto. She’d watched them during those months: Hinata was radiant and Naruto seemed to smile again. Everything was fine. And even if there was something that wasn’t, Naruto wouldn’t just sit and do nothing— hell, he’d fight to the end to fix it. If he loved Hinata he’d— Ah. Sakura blinked. So that was it.

“There’s someone” she murmured, surprised by the revelation. Naruto’s back stiffened giving her all the answer she needed. “But who? There’s no— You’ve never— Oh. _Oh_ ” she said when the answer came unexpected and evident at once, hitting with the surprising force of the obvious. To Naruto it sounded like the worst possible omen.

Slowly he turned around and when Sakura saw his guarded expression she knew she wasn’t wrong.

“Oh, Naruto” she repeated, and a sudden sadness permeated her voice when she looked at him. “ _Sasuke_.”

Somehow she’d managed to make it sound like a question and a statement at the same time. Naruto, after swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, drew a half smile.

“Surprise” he said bitterly mocking, sitting down again.

“But since when—? I mean, how d— No, forget it. It makes sense. It makes all the sense.”

On the table the cups of tea lay cold, completely forgotten. When Sakura spoke again Naruto was grateful that she didn’t question him, didn’t ask him if he was sure, didn’t judge him.

“Does he know?” She asked and Naruto broadened his bitter smile.

“What, that I broke up with Hinata? That I’ve done it because of him? That I’ve loved him for half my life as I’ve never loved anyone else despite him being a goddamn bastard?” He said with a laugh that wasn’t his. “I would say that he knows, yeah.”

“Look” he said again before she could talk, “forget about it, will you? I’ve already had. This— whatever _this_ is— it’s already over.”

“Naruto” she repeated, serious. “Does he know?”

Naruto sighed, rubbed his face with his hands and ran his fingers through his hair before answering.

“Yeah. Yeah, he knows.”

“And did— Did he— Did he say anything?” Sakura asked trying to soften the words.

Naruto ran his hands over his face again and ended up with his head thrown back on the back of the chair staring up at the ceiling. From her position Sakura could only see his strong jaw and his Adam’s apple slightly trembling with his next words.

“It’s already over.”

Sakura cleared her throat and spoke softly again.

“Just… Just give him a couple of days to think through it. I’m sure—”

“He’s had more than a year to think through it” Naruto said. “But it doesn't matter anymore. It’s for the b—”

He only heard the noise of the chair against the floor before he felt Sakura’s menacing presence looming over the table, over _him_ with a furious look.

“A year? You’ve known it for _a whole year_? And yet you go and start dating Hinata? _How_ could you do that to Hina? And to Sasuke-kun!”

Naruto clenched his teeth.

“It was your dearest Sasuke-kun who told me to do it” he hissed, facing her. He had to contain his fury, a fury that burned him, a fury he didn’t want to think about. A fury that pushed him to shout _And me? What has this done to_ me _? How could you do this to me, Sasuke?_ Because it wasn’t Sasuke standing in front of him but Sakura, and even if it had been Sasuke Naruto wouldn’t have dared to break his own heart for good.

With some big effort he calmed down and forced himself to look her in the face again.

“I’ve never wanted to hurt Hinata, Sakura-chan. I love her, I would have never been with her if I didn’t love her. I tried… I tried to make it work” he said, closing his eyes and dropping his fists on the table without force. “I tried with all my heart. But I don’t— I _can’t_ —”

He heard her footsteps on the floor and was already preparing, body tensed, to receive another punch when suddenly he was surrounded by Sakura’s arms and her familiar floral fragrance.

“Idiot” she whispered warmly resting her cheek on the back of his head. “Is that the reason why you two have been so distant all these months?”

Naruto nodded.

“I can’t—” he began, but interrupted himself biting down his tongue. His heart beat painfully, once, twice.

“There’s nothing wrong in loving him” she said. Naruto repressed the heat that rose inside him when Sakura easily accepted the same feelings Sasuke hadn’t even wanted to acknowledge.

“I can’t— I can’t lose him” he confessed, saying his biggest fear out loud for the first time.

Sasuke had made it clear from the beginning, when Naruto’d first told him (sure and true, in a gentle, surrendered sigh _“I’m— I’m in love with you”)_ and he’d told Naruto to forget it and start dating someone else, like, for example, Hinata.

( _“Didn’t you hear me?” He’d asked in a raspy, incredulous voice. “I’m talking about you. I’m talking about_ us _. I’m talking ab—”_

_“I’m not” Sasuke’d said, momentarily closing his eyes. “I’m not.”)_

Sakura let him rest his forehead on her shoulder and hugged him. All of a sudden a fist clashed hard against his head. Naruto, who didn’t see it coming, broke from her embrace rubbing the area and faced her feeling more hurt by the sudden betrayal than by her fist.

“Sakura-chan what the _fuck_ —”

“Did you give up when I refused to go out with you for _two_ long years?”

Naruto blinked.

“…What?”

“Did you?”

“I don’t get w—”

“ _Answer me_!”

“No!” said Naruto jumping on the chair when she roared.

“Did you give up when you were told that with your grades you could never go to our same high school?”

“No but—”

“Did you give up when Neji said he would never accept you? Did you give up when everyone thought you’d never make it to the regional championship? Did you give up when they said someone like you’d never win it? When they said that with that fracture you’d never compete again? Did you give up when Jiraiya-sama said he wouldn’t take you as his student? Did you give up?”

“…No” Naruto admitted, looking away. He knew where she was going, but he didn’t want to hear it. “No, I didn’t”.

“Then,” Sakura said, softening her voice, “how on earth are you going to give up on Sasuke-kun?”

Naruto remained silent for a few moments, long minutes of internal tides of doubt, guilt and fears.

Naruto knew what Sakura was trying to do. He’d never thought himself a coward and he knew that it was difficult for Sakura to understand but if she could put herself in his place for just _one_ second—

He wasn’t an idiot. Nor a suicidal.

Fuck.

He had been _so_ sure.

Somehow he still was.

But, you see. The thing about Sasuke was that, with him, it was all or nothing. And Naruto wasn’t willing to endanger the only thing he would never risk.

“You know it’s not over. Nothing between you two will ever be over” Sakura spoke softly, interrupting his thoughts. “Just. Think about it.”

He breathed in, deep, and then let the air go.

“Thank you Sakura-chan” he said hoarsely.

He stood up, and suddenly Sakura had to look up to look him in the face. He hugged her, and Sakura fit her head under his chin.

“What would I do without you?” he asked.

“Nothing good” she smiled.

“Thanks” he snorted, breaking the hug. “Especially for dragging Kiba here.”

She rolled her eyes.

“You know I didn’t force him to come, right?”

“Yeah. I suspected as much.”

“He made me promise I wouldn’t tell you. Men” she said with total exasperation. Then she made a barely noticeable pause. “Will you talk to him?”

She may be referring to Kiba. She may be not.

Naruto didn’t answer.

When they said their goodbyes, already in the street, Sakura stayed behind and watched him go as he disappeared between the crowds.

Suddenly it was so easy to see in the way they had always revolved around each other, approaching and pulling away and giving everything to one another, both what the other wanted and what he didn’t, that she wondered how she hasn’t noticed before.

It was simple, raging love. There was no other way to describe it. Sakura remembered every smile, every fight, every look she had witnessed over the years and— yeah. She couldn’t help an unexpected rush of sadness when she thought of Hinata, but that didn’t affect the serene certainty that Naruto’d never be completely happy with her. They were compatible, they adjusted to each other, she accepted him and in her Naruto had a warm and comfortable place to love and take care of, but Naruto didn’t need that. Naruto needed a partner, someone that would challenge him to improve himself over and over again. Someone he could match up to, someone who would force him to keep going, someone that would make him give his all, the good and the bad. Something Sakura’d only seen Sasuke do.

It was so, so simple.

* * *

Still in the middle of the street, Naruto changed the weight from one foot to another out of nervousness.

He saw her leave accompanied by a friend— small bag hanging from her arm and books hugged against her chest protecting them from the drizzle. The beige coat fluttered by the wind around her knees and underneath it the dark, smooth skirt fluttered too. She wore that soft purple sweater that one time he’d said he liked and that had become her favorite ever since. Naruto felt a blow of melancholy tinged with guilt at the memory.

“Hinata” he called.

Hinata looked up in the direction of the voice, surprised, and for a moment she remained paralyzed in the middle of the winter cold. Almost immediately she recovered and, saying goodbye to her friend, she approached him.

“Naruto-kun” she murmured, fighting not to look away.

It hurt to see him. It hurt to see his blond hair disheveled by the wind, the slight tension of his shoulders, his blue gaze darkened by gray skies and the way he looked at her, as if he was sorry. Unconsciously she tightened the grip around the books in her arms.

“How are your exams going?” Naruto asked after a few seconds of awkward silence, nodding toward the library Hinata had just left.

“Good,” she replied, and she had to hold her hair when a stronger gust of wind made it dance around her. “S— Studying hard. How are— How are you?”

Naruto shrugged, but he didn’t answer.

“Look, Hina…” Hinata forced herself to stare at him and not back off. She could do this. She could. “I wanted to apologize. I never intended—”

“It’s not necessary” she said, interrupting him.

“Hi—”

“Don’t” she repeated with a resolution she rarely showed. “Please.”

She wasn’t going to give in on this. She wasn’t ready to hear Naruto’s reasons or apologies. They weren’t going to help her, not with the recent breakup, and the last thing she needed was for Naruto to feel sympathy for her.

She could see in his eyes that he understood, and that he wasn’t going to insist, and at that moment, watching all the reasons why she’d fallen in love with him spread before her, loving him became more painful than ever.

“I also wanted to thank you.”

That took her aback.

“F— for what?” she asked, confused.

“For being willing to give everything for me. It takes some courage.”

“Naruto-kun—”

“Thank you for these past months. And thank you for this. You fought, you— you thought it was worth fighting for. Thank you.”

Hinata blinked, fighting back the tears and the pain in her chest.

“I wish you well, Naruto-kun” she said with all her heart, putting a hand on his cheek. Naruto gave her a small smile and covered her hand with his.

“I will always be here for you, Hina. Always. I love you.”

She closed her eyes, and if a few tears ran away she didn’t care.

“I know” she smiled. “I love you too, Naruto-kun.”

Watching him go was probably the sweetest and most bitter thing she had ever felt, she thought still with the warm touch of his lips on her cheek and the certainty that that’d never happen again.

* * *

Naruto had hesitated for a never-ending second before knocking. The feeling of spasms in his stomach had felt ridiculous, those treacherous nerves accompanied by a slight fear and, despite everything, the unshakeable determination to carry on. He’d taken a deep, mind-focusing breath. Then he had knocked. Standing at his door, his heartbeat rumbling against his ribcage, Naruto had listened to the muffled footsteps that indicated that Sasuke was about to open the door and he’d secured his feet firm on the ground. He’d felt good. He’d felt _right_.

It was _Sasuke_ , for fuck’s sake. Naruto wasn’t going to settle for a tight and restricted friendship when his feelings for him could illuminate fucking Tokyo. And he didn’t care if it took him a year or ten or a hundred more to make the bastard understand.

It was the right thing, yes. He’d felt good. As if he’d come back to his body after a long time of not being himself. He’d felt right

Then Sasuke’d opened the door with his hair wet and a simple long-sleeved shirt that had made Naruto shiver.

“We have to talk” he’d said, and for a fractured millisecond everything had seemed fine— then a voice had emerged from behind Sasuke and Naruto’d seen Suigetsu with only a pair of pants drying his hair with a towel, and his soul had seemed to drop to his feet when even at that distance he’d distinguished the purple marks on his chest.

“Oh, wow, look who’s here” he’d said with a knowing, sharp smile. “Good thing he didn’t arrive fifteen minutes before, huh? Or this could’ve been a _very_ awkward situation.”

“Suigetsu—”

“Yeah, yeah— got it. Killjoy.”

Naruto’d clenched his jaw so hard his teeth’d screeched. He’d tried to relax and cleared his throat.

“Look—”

Suigetsu’s voice had cut his again from somewhere inside the apartment.

“What the hell did you do with my shirt, Sasuke?”

Sasuke had closed his eyes, slow and composed; his face hadn’t betrayed further emotion. He’d looked tall and dangerous and Naruto—

Naruto’d looked like he wanted to punch someone. Suigetsu, probably. Sasuke, for sure.

“Naruto—”

“You know what? Let’s do this any other moment.”

And he’d left, without a word and no looking back.

* * *

The door opened without noise and a warm glow bathed his face. Hana looked at him with slightly arched eyebrows at the unexpectedness of the visit.

“Naruto-kun” she greeted, “please come in.”

“Thanks.”

Naruto sat at the genkan and took off his shoes, reaching for some slippers.

“Sorry to show up unannounced” he said bowing his head with some embarrassment.

“It’s fine” she said in that tone of older siblings that means they’ve done worse and that few things could faze them. “Kiba’s in his room.”

Naruto crossed the living room, turned toward the hall and, when he reached the end, turned to the right, where Kiba’s room was. His door was closed and when Naruto opened it there was a flutter of pages on the bed.

“I’m studying!”

Naruto stood in the doorway. From the bed, Kiba poked his head over the book he’d picked up in a rush (and that was upside down) and with a sigh of relief he threw it back on the floor and pulled out the PSP he’d hidden in a hurry under the pillow.

“Fuck man, I thought you were my mother, you almost give me a heart attack. Close the door.”

In other circumstances Naruto’d have laughed for hours, but the last thing he wanted at the time was to laugh. Following Kiba’s orders he closed the door, scratched Akamaru behind the ears when he approached to greet him and then sat on the bed with a sigh. Almost instantly he laid back and stayed there with his arms outstretched, like a dead man. His coat, still brilliant with raindrops must be wetting the bed but he couldn’t get himself to care. Kiba tapped him on the side with his foot.

“Hey.”

“Mmh.”

“Is it snowing?”

“Nope.”

“Fuck.”

Naruto kept staring at the ceiling, focused on the sound of the buttons and the music. Kiba poked him again.

“Want something to drink?”

“…Nah.”

“’could go and fetch me something.”

“Or _you_ could go.”

“…Nah.”

They continued in silence for several minutes. Naruto heard the melody that indicated that Kiba’d lost the game and him turning off the console and leaving it on the nightstand. A moment later Kiba poked him again, gently.

“Hey.”

“Mmh.”

“I still have Shino’s playstation.”

“Cool.”

In the blink of an eye they slid to the floor, connected the cables and chose a one-on-one fighting game in silent agreement. Naruto took off his coat and rolled up the sleeves of his thick jumper. Kiba watched him sideways, vigilant like a dog.

“I’m gonna crush you all the same” he said with a canine smile.

The corner of Naruto’s mouth trembled.

“We’ll see.”

Five minutes into the game, Naruto’s phone began to buzz in his coat pocket, rattling on the wooden floor.

“Yours” informed Kiba. He was grabbing the control tightly and the cable was completely stretched out. “You son of a— how can you— man, someone’s calling you.”

“I know.”

“Aren’t you— _Motherfucker_!” he hissed.

“ _Kiiiba_ ” they heard Hana sang down the corridor.

The phone rang again after fifteen minutes. Kiba swore.

“Naruto! It distracts me!”

Naruto, without looking away from the screen, snorted and took the coat and threw it on the bed.

“Don’t blame others for your lack of skill.”

“Just wait and see” Kiba said, performing several combos. Naruto’s fighter, a blonde lightly dressed, disappeared in a red cloud of blood. Kiba’s one (a mastodon with steroid OD) triumphantly raised his muscular arms under a shower of cheers. “Ha! You were saying?”

“We’ve just started, puppy-dog. Come on, girl, show him what you’ve got.”

“The hell did you just call me? I’m gonna— Argh! That’s cheating!”

When the third call came in, and although the buzzing was barely a murmur muffled by the comforter and their grunts, Kiba’s nerves began to really twitch.

“Naruto—”

“Ignore it.”

Kiba didn’t. He paused the game and reaching back he took the phone and looked at the screen.

“It’s Sasuke” he said, throwing it at Naruto.

Naruto took it and without even looking at it he turned it off and left it on the floor.

“Come on.”

Kiba hesitated, studying Naruto’s face. Then he turned back to the game.

“I’m so gonna crush you” he said.

Naruto smiled aggressively.

“You wish.”

An hour later they counted seven victories for Naruto, four for Kiba and two draws for simultaneous KO.

“I hate you” Kiba reminded him at the front door.

“If you ask nicely I’ll teach you how to play.”

“Please.” Hana’s voice said. “He needs it.”

Kiba pretended he hadn’t heard his sister, and his attempt to keep his wounded pride intact made Naruto laugh.

“Come back soon, maybe I’ll let you win again!” Kiba shouted when Naruto was already walking down the street. He got to see him raise his hand before turning a corner. Kiba came back in and closed the door. “Dumbass” he said with affection.

“And yet the dumbass beat you.”

“Argh, _Hana_!”

* * *

Naruto’s good mood lasted all the way home, until the moment he climbed the stairs and saw, illuminated, the waiting figure leaning against his door.

 _Sasuke_ , he thought, and vertigo flooded his stomach when Sasuke turned his head and faced him with those eyes as black as the night around them.

 _Not now_ , he pleaded, weary, to whoever could be listening to him. He knew his prayers weren’t going to be heard as soon as Sasuke straightened his back and fully turned to him.

“I think we should talk.”


	3. Vici

“Here.”

Sasuke grabbed the shirt and nodded in silent thanks. He’d hung his soaked coat on the back of a chair and now it dripped slowly on the floor.

Naruto, arms crossed, leaned back in the frame of his bedroom door and watched as Sasuke took off the wet shirt he was wearing and started drying his torso.

“Not bad” he said when the other finished putting on the dark blue shirt he had borrowed. Both were athletic and wore similar size.

“Mh.”

Naruto caught the towel Sasuke tossed to him and without paying much attention he threw it in the hamper in the corner of his room.

“Want some tea?”

“No.”

Naruto settled ostensibly against the frame and kept silent. As always, Sasuke didn’t disappoint him with his direct way of approaching things.

“I came to apologize” he said, resting his hip on the table and also crossing his arms in a more relaxed gesture than his.

“What for?”

“Suigetsu. I’m sorry it was so” for a second Sasuke seemed to look for the right word “awkward for you.”

Naruto was grateful he didn’t say painful.

“But…?” he asked.

“There’s no but.”

Well. That was— unexpected. Also not enough.

“That’s all you had to say?” he asked with some bite.

“You didn’t see your face when you saw him.” Raw and brutal. Naruto felt like taking a step back, mortified, but held his ground. Sasuke made an abortive move, as if he was about to add something but restrained himself at the last moment. “Anyway— _you_ wanted to talk. Something to say?”

There it was. The invitation to say it all again. Strangely enough, Naruto felt suddenly collected.

“No” he replied calmly. Then he changed his mind. “Actually, yes. Are you two together?” He asked, as if inquiring about the weather.

He watched as Sasuke eyed him silently, assessing his answer.

“No” he finally said. “Not for a long time.”

He didn’t miss the intangible tension that tied Sasuke’s body, the concealed way in which he put on guard. It was all so different from the last time they talked, back in that pub, and from all the times before that one that Naruto’s confidence grew. For the first time in a very long time he felt like they were on equal terms.

“How many?” He asked, moved by impulsive curiosity.

“Hm?”

“How many have there been?”

“That you got to know?” Before Naruto could decide if he liked the question Sasuke began to list with that neutral tranquility that unnerved him. “Deidara, Suigetsu… and Gaara.”

Gaara. Huh.

“ _Wow_ ” he savored mockingly as he pictured in his mind the serious, quiet man who had joined them sometimes, a while ago, and who seemed to understand Sasuke so well. Suddenly he was seeing him under a whole new light. “Only three?”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and insinuated that smile that announced the following blow. He still had his arms loosely crossed over his chest and a deceptively calm attitude, and in his eyes shone a cautious curiosity for the direction in which Naruto’d led the conversation and for how long he’d be able to handle it.

“How many girlfriends do you say you’ve had?”

Naruto blushed against his will. He was twenty-two and his long list of love affairs began and ended with Hinata, as Sasuke already knew, and it wasn’t as if they could be nominated for the Couple of the Year, precisely.

“It’s not that, you jerk. It just surprises me there were only three, you’ve always been very popular with women” he replied, and he didn’t have to think hard before dozens of examples came to his mind. It wasn’t just that he was attractive; Sasuke had the kind of presence that made people turn to look. He smirked: “Looks like you haven’t had the same luck playing on the other team, Sasuke-chan.”

 _Sasuke-chan_ returned a slow and dangerous smile.

“That there were only three doesn’t mean there couldn’t have been more.”

“Of course” Naruto replied with a snort. “If you’ve had so many opportunities, asshole, then why—”

He interrupted himself in the middle of the sentence when he became aware of something obvious.

Of course Sasuke hadn’t been with the first guy he came across. He wasn’t the kind of person who wasted time in relationships that weren’t meaningful and Naruto suddenly saw that Sasuke _obviously_ had loved them one way or another.

Hah.

It stung in a way he wasn’t expecting.

“Naruto.” Before he could even notice Sasuke was in front of him, looking at him with no hint of a smile. “You okay?”

Naruto pushed him away with no force and stepped back. Again he felt as if he was neither emotionally nor mentally qualified to deal with Sasuke’s contradictory messages and trying to understand him.

“You shouldn’t have asked” Sasuke said mercilessly without looking away from him, as if reading his mind.

“This changes nothing.”

To his surprise Sasuke didn’t turn around, ending the conversation, as he’d done other times.

“Do you know the risks when two people share that kind of intimacy?” He asked instead after a moment of silence.

Naruto saw what he was trying to do. He saw it as clearly as if he’d written it with large, bright-colored characters and rubbed it in his face.

“You’re not going to scare me, Sasuke. You and I have that kind of intimacy, there’s no one I trust more than you, there’s no one— There’s no one with whom I have this kind of relationship.”

“Is that so?” He said. “Then what do you want, Naruto? If we already have that kind of relationship, what else do you want?”

“Tsk, that’s not— That’s— You _know_ that’s not what I mean.”

“It’s not? But that’s exactly what you’ve just said.”

“Stop— trying to twist my words!” He exploded, facing him with a clenched jaw and steady gaze. “I’m not confused, Sasuke. I love you.”

He said it with a hoarse voice and a slight tremor, and he swallowed trying to undo the lump that had formed in his throat. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears, vulnerable, and wet his lips, waiting. In front of him Sasuke remained tall and illegible, too far away from him.

“Be careful with what you say” he warned soft as ice.

“It’s useless” he replied, putting voice to his thoughts. “I’m not giving up again, Sasuke. I’ve never been surer about anything in my life and you are not changing that.”

They looked at each other, firm, unmovable.

“All right” he suddenly gave in. “What do you want?”

“W— What?” Naruto stammered, surprised with his guard down.

“What do you want? A relationship? Something different from what we have? The same? What is it?”

“You. I want you” he replied quickly, ignoring the mocking way in which he’d asked. Sasuke smiled slightly.

“You don’t like men, Naruto” he said.

“That’s not—”

“And yet you want to have a relationship with me” he stopped him.

“I don’t— That has nothing to do with it. This— What I feel for you— It has nothing to do with you being a man. It’s you, Sasuke. Wh—”

Sasuke interrupted him again.

“Nothing to do with it? And what about sex?”

Naruto opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. He gaped for a moment, without forming any word, and closed it reddening furiously at the sudden embarrassment.

It was true.

He’d longed for Sasuke even before they began to drift apart. To keep sharing his surprisingly deep, sarcastic jokes and to know his mood by just looking him in the eye and to touch his neck without it feeling inappropriate and to sleep wrapped in sheets that smelled like him. But not even then, alone at night and tossing and turning and missing him, had he meant it in a sexual way.

And it was a problem.

Because, indeed, Naruto didn’t like men.

And clearly that was something Sasuke knew.

Moreover, sex was something that (now Naruto knew) Sasuke effectively integrated into his daily life but, Naruto decided suddenly, he wasn’t going to let that get in between them. He was no stranger to sex. There were many ways to enjoy it and that wasn’t going to be the reason that’d keep them apart.

“Are you going to leave me because of that?” He asked, pausing, and his gesture hardened. “You think _I_ am going to leave you because of that? Sasuke!” He grunted when he didn’t get an answer.

“What I think is that you have not seriously considered what a relationship with a man would be like, Naruto” he replied. “With me there’ll be no flowers, or blushes, nor will I go and pick you up with a home-made lunch under my arm.”

“I know.”

“I will not stay silently by your side and you won’t walk me home and kiss me goodbye at the door, like a perfect gentleman.”

Naruto clenched his teeth. He recognized the pattern and he recognized the mock. It was his relationship with Hinata point by point, everything she’d done and everything she’d expected him to do.

“I know” he repeated hissing between his teeth. “I know very well what kind of relationship I want to have with you, Sasuke. I think it’s you who doesn’t understand it.”

Sasuke laughed, sharp and short.

“Yes, I see you have everything under control. Tell me about the sex again.”

“That’s not— I don’t care. It’s not that important.”

“Is that so?” He smiled. “Will you tell me the same thing after I fuck Suigetsu and then come back here, smelling like sweat? We’ve already seen your reaction before.”

“That wasn’t because of that.”

“Sure.”

“It wasn’t about that!” Naruto hissed against his face after taking a step forward that left him ten centimeters away from him. He didn’t know when he had moved his hand and put his palm on Sasuke’s chest but there it was, holding him back, holding them both, not knowing whether to push him away or pull him close. It burned, and he knew he must be transmitting that same heat even through the thick fabric of the shirt. “It’s about you, you heartless bastard, and how you can accept anyone’s feelings but mine. How do you think you made me feel all these months? How do you think your absence made me feel? How agonizing do you think it was to watch myself fuck everything up? I tried, and tried, and keep fucking everything up, and you weren’t even there!”

Naruto panted all fire and flesh.

“And you know what? The worst thing is I know you feel the fucking same even if you try to hide it but _god_ — you can’t be constant even in that, goddamn it, making everything so difficult and painful with your ambivalent acts, looking again and again for excuses to drive me away. What’s stopping you? What are you so afraid of?”

Contrary to what those who didn’t know him well could think, Naruto was smart. Not in the brilliant and extraordinary way Shikamaru was, nor as that clarity of thought Sakura had, and certainly not as Sasuke’s sharp intellect.

No.

Naruto was smart in a strange emotional way that allowed him to understand things before even really _knowing_ that he knew them, and in that moment, as soon as the words came out of his mouth, he knew he was right. It wasn’t insensitivity, nor indifference, nor doubts what had been leading Sasuke during the last months. It was fear. Sasuke was afraid and it was probably the first time in his life that Naruto knew him scared.

“Sasuke” he said in a husky voice. His hand clenched into a fist on Sasuke’s chest. Below it he could feel Sasuke’s heart beating loudly —or maybe it was just his own blood. “Trust me.”

Sasuke took a step back.

“It’s not about trust, Naruto.”

Naruto clenched his other hand too.

“Then what is it about?”

Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes, voice hoarse.

“I know I’m important to you. You are my best friend, I know what it feels like. You think it’s something more but…”

“No” he cut him.

“Naruto—”

“No” he said again. “I’m not confused, Sasuke.”

“You wouldn’t be the first one, dobe” he said in an understanding tone that he loathed.

“I know what I feel.”

“Na—”

“I know what I feel!” he repeated, furious. “Why is it so hard for you to accept it? How can you be so sure of what you feel and not accept that I also know what I want? How can you be so _arrogant_ to believe that you know me better than I know myself? I love you, Sasuke” he said again shortening the distance between them. “I love you.”

He didn’t need to think. He kissed him, slow, barely touching him, heat and lava flows unfurling in his stomach.

“Sasuke” he begged harshly against his lips. And Sasuke leaned into him. They clashed like tectonic plates: an inevitable, long way coming clash larger than life. Naruto sank his fingers in his still wet hair and Sasuke let him grab him and release his frustration. He gradually undid the kiss, delicately, so much that Naruto didn’t realize until Sasuke elegantly rejected his touch.

“Naruto” he said pressing their foreheads together, hard. In his mouth his name sounded different, like blood, or a promise, or lightning. Violent and tender and everything in-between.

Naruto closed his eyes, red lips and a swollen heart.

“What are you so afraid of?”

Sasuke breathed in, sharp. Naruto felt it in his mouth when Sasuke let the air go.

“I don’t want to lose you” he finally said, voice rough.

Naruto felt like laughing. A sarcastic laugh, from the deepest corner of his guts.

Somehow it even made sense for the twisted son of a bitch to have used his own fear to read Naruto and keep him away. That’s Uchiha _fucking_ Sasuke for you.

Naruto pressed his forehead forward a little more and let his hand untangle from Sasuke’s hair until it settled on his neck, firm.

“I’m not leaving you” he said. “Fuck, you couldn’t get rid of me when we were twelve, what makes you think I’m going to let you do it now?”

Naruto could see his smirk in his mind.

“I’m scared too” he confessed, speaking quietly in a tone almost as deep as Sasuke’s. “But I won’t let that stop me. I can’t.”

Naruto felt Sasuke’s hand on his neck, and tried to force his voice not to break when he felt his thumb stroking his throat.

“And” he continued, pausing to wet his lips, still not opening his eyes. “And if you want to keep seeing Hôzuki, I understand. Really. I don’t ca—”

He was interrupted when Sasuke kissed him again, soft at first and with his hand still on his throat, a control Naruto’d never experienced before and that was intrinsically erotic. He pressed his mouth against Naruto’s, long fingers in his jaw, his tongue suddenly there.

God. Sasuke’s kisses were good. There was no other way to describe it. Just… _good_. Slow, slightly dominant, with a thin thread of self-control that insinuated how easily it could be broken and thus turn the already hot kiss into a torrid orgy. Naruto pushed forward, also cupping his jaw, prompting him to tilt his head back and come find each other, tongues, teeth and raging breaths flashing like silver bullets in a daze of boiling heat. Slender fingers, narrowed, pulling black eyes, the satisfaction of biting and tasting salt and above all the sounds and the pressure and the _smell_ —

“Tsk—”

A scrape of teeth and then the kiss ended in the same sudden way it had begun. Overcoming that first moment of confusion Naruto opened his eyes and felt the dread of having misunderstood it all.

“Sasuke” he hastened when the other took one step back. “Don’t—”

Sasuke threw his bangs back, running a hand through his hair, and then covered his mouth with the back of his hand, calming down.

“It’s not that” he said hoarsely.

Naruto watched him for a moment, lost, until he noticed Sasuke’s tense body. Without thinking he hooked a finger on the waistband on Sasuke’s pants and moved forward until he was pressed against him again. Now that he knew it was easy to felt the erection against his hip.

Sasuke didn’t even budge.

“Naruto—”

“Let me do it.” Sasuke held his breath and his body became even tighter, revealing his inner fight. Naruto used the opportunity to push him gently until his back bumped into the wall, and then pressed their foreheads again. “I want to.”

After a few seconds Sasuke released the grip he had on his hand, and Naruto continued with the task of unfastening his pants. He unzipped him slowly, stretching the moment, and then he sank the hand inside and jerked him one, two, three times over his underwear, slow and tight and hot. Sasuke’s hands wrapped around the back of his neck and his wrist, hard, and he tossed his head back against the wall. Naruto kissed his throat with just a flick of teeth and pulled his pants along with his underwear down to his thighs.

Sasuke looked down at him, heavy eyelids and sharp-focused eyes, and watched him. It was erotic and dangerous to have him like that, charged like an electrical storm.

His cock rose between them, hard and red, and Naruto wrapped a hand around him and started pumping, feeling high and powerful and, paradoxically, utterly exposed.

Sasuke sighed and closed his eyes and Naruto mouthed at the side of his throat, his jaw, almost his ear.

“Tell me— Tell me how” he begged stroking him.

Sasuke stared at him predatorily through half-opened eyes.

“Squeeze a little harder— Ah… _there_ —”

Naruto obeyed rotating his wrist and looking for the hidden rhythm to which Sasuke’s body responded. His fingers were still firmly wrapped around his wrist, closely pressed against his pulse. His hips started to move, pushing hard into his fist, and Naruto’s hand found itself under his shirt, spreading against his stomach, running over warm skin and muscle and the insinuation of ribs. He didn’t know who was it this time but suddenly they were kissing again, long, unhurried open-mouth kisses less urgent and more bone-melting. Naruto kept jerking him off, doubling the pressure and increasing the speed and when Sasuke bit his mouth he knew he was about to come.

“You’re— You’re _so_ —” said Naruto against Sasuke’s neck.

Sasuke came with a hoarse moan, still fucking into Naruto’s hand, and they both ended up trembling —Sasuke once again with his head against the wall, breathless, and Naruto with his forehead against Sasuke’s shoulder, aroused.

 _Fuck_.

Naruto pressed himself against Sasuke’s leg and bit down his lip.

“Fuck” he said. Sasuke opened his eyes when he felt the movement and looked down watching without seeing Naruto unbuttoning his own pants. “You’re so— so— _Fuck_.”

Naruto wrapped a hand around himself and opened his mouth, heavy-breathing.

“ _Sasuke_ —”

Naruto felt the pressure in his chest when Sasuke put a hand there and pushed him to look him in the eye. He still had that impossibly dark, half-veiled look, and _fuck_ if it didn’t turn Naruto on.

“Touch me” he ordered huskily.

Sasuke watched him in silence, unconsciously running his tongue over his lower lip when he dropped his eyes to Naruto’s hand slowly stroking himself.

“Touch me” he said again in a lower tone. “Touch me, Sasuke.”

Naruto’d noticed how Sasuke’d made an effort not to touch him before, hands anchored on his neck and his wrist but _god_ , he needed it. And he needed it _now_.

“Please, _please_ , just touch m—”

Sasuke pushed him two steps back and then knelt before him. Naruto’s breath caught in his throat. Sasuke dragged him forward by the hips, slid his clothes down his thighs and replaced Naruto’s hand with his own, pumping him one, two, three times before opening his mouth and sucking him off.

“Sasuke” panted Naruto in a ragged tone. “ _God_ , Sasuke—”

Naruto couldn’t help it— he leaned in resting a hand on the wall, looking for support, and tangled the other one in Sasuke’s hair following his every move.

It felt so good that it was almost shameful.

Naruto suppressed a moan, closed his eyes and tilted his head back when he felt Sasuke’s hand running up his leg, cupping his balls and then venturing a little further, a little—

Naruto felt a burst of fear for what was going to happen, but surprisingly it was quickly overcome by the desire of keep going. And he knew, he _really_ knew that it wasn’t just because of the arousal. He knew he wanted it. If it was with Sasuke, he wanted it all. He wanted Sasuke to fuck him, dominant, and to fuck Sasuke the same way he was fucking his mouth— to feel his body pressed against him and to learn how to make Sasuke cry until he came and his body collapsed over the bed, shaking and satisfied.

The thought made him shiver, and he opened his legs a little more but Sasuke’s hand didn’t reach further. It stopped there, in an indeterminate, half-way point and Naruto lowered his head and he tried to tell him that it was fine, that he could go on, but then Sasuke pressed his fingers and Naruto had to fiercely restrain himself to avoid cumming right there.

Sasuke removed his cock from his mouth and kept jerking him off with his fist, tirelessly, slow and tight.

“What…” managed to ask breathless.

“That” said Sasuke with a smirk “is the perineum.”

He leaned in and left a loving kiss over Naruto’s hipbone.

“It surprises me you didn’t come” he continued, dragging his fingers over that point all again, this time without pressing them.

“Asshole” said Naruto trying to control his shaking legs.

Sasuke smiled and kissed him again.

“Relax” he hummed against his skin. “I’ve got you.”

He resumed the blowjob, and not long after his fingers began once again to externally work his prostrate. Naruto lost control— his hips shot forward, marching at a fast, furious rhythm, his fingers sinking in Sasuke’s hair. Sasuke looked up at him with proud and feverish eyes and Naruto couldn’t have torn his eyes from him even if he’d tried to.

“Sasuke” he groaned when he sensed he was close. “Sasuke—”

His thrusts became haphazard and Sasuke sank his fingers in his hips trying to stabilize him.

“ _Ah_ — I love you” he moaned with an exploding heart and broken lungs. “I love you” with the last shiver from his orgasm. “I love you” at the end, when Sasuke’s heavy gaze was too much and, still unable to look away, he had to close his eyes. “I love you—”

Naruto slid down to the floor, where Sasuke’s arms embrace him.

“You okay?” he heard Sasuke ask in a hoarse voice.

“Never been better” he answered utterly honest. “You?” he asked running a finger over Sasuke’s throat, somewhat apologetic.

“It’ll pass”.

They stayed like for a few moments, and then Sasuke stood up, one knee cracking. Naruto fastened his pants and followed suit.

“Told you sex wasn’t a problem” he said half jokingly in an attempt to lighten the air.

Sasuke looked at him and Naruto turned serious too.

He’d never seen him like that, raw and honest and Naruto wondered how could he not love him.

“Sasuke” he began but Sasuke lifted a hand to stop him.

“I need you to understand something, Naruto” he said, briefly closing his eyes. “It’ll be this forever.”

They locked eyes again and Naruto didn’t look away.

He understood what Sasuke was saying.

He loved him _so_ much, with such devotion that he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop once he began. That, if things turned out wrong, they wouldn’t go back to being friends. That it was them together or losing each other for good, but Naruto didn’t need to make up his mind for he felt exactly the same.

And, after all, he already knew that, with Sasuke, it was all or nothing.

Lovingly he placed a hand on Sasuke’s neck and pressed their foreheads together.

“All” he promised against his lips. “Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


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